Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
