We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Couch. On fire.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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