It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
