census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
