Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
