Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Barsexuality is the new black.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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