it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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