on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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