We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
