we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
