the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
