Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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