I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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