two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
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