I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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