dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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