Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
