so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
