I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
