I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
