If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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