She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
