I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Fuck appropriateness.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
