I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
