If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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