i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
