just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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