i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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