I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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