In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
