I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
