When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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