its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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