can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
