My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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