I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
