my phone needs a breathalizer
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
