All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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