me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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