i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
