Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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