I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
