Kiss
Puke
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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