Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can you repeat that, but with context?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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