tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
