It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
