I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
