Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
