like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
