I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
