Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
