Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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