all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
