And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Welp...herpes.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
