So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
