dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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