shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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