you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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