I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
