I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
