When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
