Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
